So on 21st August, 2016, I was feeling particularly down on myself. This was not due to any specific reason, more just an overall feeling of restlessness and anxiety about where I wanted my life to be and how far it was from that point. I don’t know about you but Valentine’s day can definitely lead to reflecting on life goals too!
It was on that day, I came across a TEDx talks video on youtube by Tracy McMillan called ‘the person you really need to marry’. After watching the video, I decided to write vows to myself because at the end of the day you do always have someone to call your own, love and rely on-yourself. You completely rely on yourself to survive, live and hopefully find some sense of happiness. So here’s to a day focussed on appreciating the greatest gift in life which is usually directed at the external love you find but it’s also important to remember to appreciate and love yourself first and foremost.
Vows to myself:
I love you when you panic,
I recognise that this means you are being brave enough to take the little steps to overcome your fears
I love you when you doubt yourself, doubt others, doubt your life,
I have faith that you will continue to unknot what unsettles you in life
I love you when you get angry for no reason, stop talking to the world, lose faith,
I understand that the world and your mind can be confusing and scary places sometimes
I love you when you sit and fiddle with your hair,
I understand you do it to comfort yourself even if other’s don’t
I love you when you try to squeeze too much into so little time, when you are a late or when you haven’t got a plan,
I have learnt it has become one of your strengths to be resourceful in moment’s of chaos
I love you when you have your confusing nightmares in which you seem so different as a person to your waking self,
I accept this is you trying to work out your fears and insecurities
I love you when feel threatened, lash out, or have conflict with your nearest and dearest.
I am learning that every struggle, guides me to learn how to become a better version of myself
I love you when you worry about not finding love,
I understand the reasons why you may feel like this, I am learning that everything happens with time
I love you when you feel sorry for yourself, struggle to be yourself or really don’t like yourself just because, well just because you’re still here, you are still alive.
I love you because of all the things you have been through,
I love you because of all that you have become,
I love you because of your journey so far and will continue to do so for the rest of your life,
I will not leave you, I can not leave you!
No matter how ugly life gets,
or how deep and dark your secrets, thoughts, feelings, actions, shame, guilt and fears get,
I will always be there for you, for better or worse.